Its 6:45am...my alarm goes off...
6:55am...goes off
7:05am...one more
7:15am...twice
Its 7:25am...third time is a charm
I wake up.
Race to the bathroom…hop in the shower...hop out...7:37am
Put on my clothes…wait no I don’t like how these pants look today...7:42am
Start doing my hair...why cant I find any pinchos...ok got some...7:56am
"Bye mami, I love you...I left your phone charged on the counter...kick boxing tonight...Bye!"...8:01am
Oh shit its the Q53...race to the bus...8:03am
Get off…walk to the train…turn on my iPod...Ne-yo - 'She Got Her Own'...8:08am
"Hey Denise…are you on the train yet?"..."Oh ok, I’m on the J now…I guess I’ll try to catch you on the train tomorrow"..."Yea I know I got to update you...I’m going to read my book now...love you, bye"...8:14am
Damn, no seats today, whatever...continue reading my book…8:23am
8:32am...8:40am…
8:44am:
I hate these contacts...always messing up and getting blurry on me…I put my book away…
…Oh my God my stomach...please don’t let me throw up on this train...I go blank.
"Miss…miss...miss...you ok? Sit down...here take my seat"...I sit down.
Loosen up my scarf...I cant breath...just one more stop…your almost there...8:46am
My hands are shaking...pins and needles take over
my heart is racing...thoughts pass i have no control over...8:47am
I’m shivering...chills run up and down my spine
but I’m sweating...so hot, feeling of confine...8:48am
why is this happening...what the hell is happening?..
please don't throw up..please don't throw up..
one more stop..you can hold this..its all mental..
you got this...8:49am
just keep breathing..in...out...in...out..i am feeling better...in..out...8:50am
"This is Chambers Street station..Transfer to the 4,5,6,M, and Z lines"
...i made it..8:53am
**************************************************************
As i raced to work in the pouring rain, i felt everyone was looking at me.
i was so jittery..my umbrella broke and i tried my best to hold it down.
I run into my building a hot mess and went straight upstairs. I didn't even stop
to speak to Mike. The door was locked. I was so relieved to know that
nobody was in there. I ran to my desk for salvation i cried like a baby and
texted the only 3 people i felt i could go to.Denise, Luna, and Henry.
I was so freaked out i ran to the bathroom a few times scared and crying.
I am so glad i contacted the three of em..even if they weren't there, or
maybe they didnt know exactly what to say...knowing they simply
responded...and where there at 9am..no matter what they were doing.
i just needed familiar comfort from family..a best friend..and a significant
other(ex-significant anyway lol)...
So after eating some oatmeal and drinking water...i calmed down and i
retraced my steps..trying to find what triggered this Panic Attack.
first thing i did was look up what a panic attack was:
Symptoms:
- "Racing" heart
- Feeling weak, faint, or dizzy
- Tingling or numbness in the hands and fingers
- Sense of terror, of impending doom or death
- Feeling sweaty or having chills
- Chest pains
- Breathing difficulties
- Feeling a loss of control
- Panic attacks are generally brief, lasting less than ten minutes
i opened up my book to the last page i was reading, nothing that would
trigger a panic attack. I was reading about Wolves eating pizza lol
Next step: what song was i listening to last?
i go to my iPod and found about 2 minutes into the song
NeYo - Make It Work..
on the verse that said:
"You was looking for your prince,ooh
What you found (wat u found)
Is a pauper with potential
And no, i'm nowhere near perfect..NO..
But i'm around (but im around)
Girl, time and patience is essential
Baby realize... "
Just reading that gives me a tightness/itchiness in my throat...
blah...
this has never happened to me before..and i really don't want it
to everrrr happen again! i'm so freaked out i don't want to
leave my office at all, even for lunch...
iamma just eat oatmeal and stick it out.
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