So Sweet...It's Scary...

Everyone has fears. And then everyone has 'irrational' fears. Fears that cannot be understood to the outside world, fear that is only understood by that person alone.

Fear is linked to numerous emotional states:
Worry,panic,fright,horror paranoia, and anxiety...

Some of my fears? Big bodies of water, fire, lightning, bugs, foreign animals, being shot, so on and so forth...what's the point of this all?

I was talking with my cousin and I realized a new fear of mine. Very subtle and discreet, but very potent and emotion driven.

Me- so I stopped speaking to {my ex}..cut him off for good..I guess

Dee- finally! Geez..the boy was coo but damn bout time!

Me- I won't front..kinda miss him tho..he mad coo dude...as a friend ya know..as anything else? Wackness!

Dee- yea I know but that boy is a nobody right now..he doesn't have much going for him right now and the worst part he isn't even trying to do something. He doesn't deserve a woman like you. Your smart, hard working, goal oriented.., beautiful. don't even think of ever going back to him!

Me- im not..trust...im jes takin it a day at a time..I dun care about him as a BF..just as a friend..and he does have a lot going for him now, he is just stupid..

Dee- promise me something, promise your going to stop trying to take care of dudes and let one take care of you!..for once!

Me- watchu mean take care of dudes?

Dee- name one guy...just one...that took care of YOU!..ill wait..

Me-(naming guy after guy) oh how about R****? He took care of me for the most part..

Dee- no that dude just bought you stuff..im talking about doing the simple things for you and treating you with respect as well as taking you out.

Me- (stumped) I guess your right...I've never truly been taken care of. From my first relationship to this last one..same pattern...wow..

My fear? Dependency.
Although I moan and groan when I'm in relationships where the dude is slacking on me. I def play my part. As in, I assume the position as their support and help them achieve whatever it may be at the moment. And what does that leave me? That leaves me with being the sole support system for them as well as myself. I end up being overwhelmed and retreating from them and the situation.

So what happens when I finally meet someone willing to not only receive my support but lend theirs to me as well? I get scared!!! Lol

The thought of me letting myself receive support from someone else is terrifying. Why? Because of the possibility of it being taken away from under me.

I recently met this guy and we've chilled a few times. Although I don't know him very well, from what I do know he is sweet by nature. Very attentive and not afraid of what he can offer to a person.

In just 3 weeks this dude has done more than almost any guy has done for me in 3 years. Usually when a guy gives a lady flowers she melts before his eyes. Usually on the rare occasion of me receiving a rose, I want to run. Which is what I felt like doing on Friday.

He is so sweet...its scary...

Not to be a pessimist here...but there has to be something...lol

To be continued...