My Reality

So...after working 13hrs you would think one would knock right into a comatose sleep. Not me. I haven't slept in weeks, like a real sleep. I work almost 70hrs a week, and i still can't avoid my reality. And there is the underlying problem.

My reality:
1. Losing people that at a point were important in my life, one way or another.

2.Watching my aunt getting closer to heaven everyday and everyone miserable because of it.

3. Losing my main financial supplier because of the economy aka Bush sucks!

4. Having letters come in the mail and incoming calls from creditors, loans, and other debts everyday.

5. Knowing that all I had was less than a year to get my degree and not being able to do much about it until i pay $11,000.

6. Working back at foot locker, I never wanted to go backwards...ever.

7. Sometimes carrying the weight of your own struggles and still helping and listening to others issues trying to help them..and give them clarity while your dying inside.

8. People not recognizing your pain. I don't really cry or act out much. I just feel it..inside..all the time. I'm not as strong as I put out to be, sometimes I need a shoulder and a tissue too.

9. Hiding behind busy work days and such so I don't remind myself of....

10. ...my reality.

Random Blurbs: Life has a Sense of Humor

So these are just my random thoughts...raw..unedited..real distorted thoughts in my chaotic brain:

First off I had a crazy great weekend...fuck that...this whole month has been amazing really...
Damn its fuckin hot in here..let me turn off this ghetto 30yr old heater...

Although the month started a bit rocky for me I have def made a recovery..I revisited a lot from my past this month..
I hung out with Stevisimo at dave n busterss..def caught up..miss that dude...
also caught up with my co-workers from foot locker..great times with them...
re-connected my friendship with my 'ex' from Stony..good times wit my old booger..
spending a crazy night with my old Chaotic Suite mates...oh LORD knows how much Ive missed them....
then of course meeting up with Steven my ex from high school.

It was def a good feeling seeing him do so well with his life and he has an awesome girlfriend now..we spoke a lot about our relationship and what we learned from it...the after-math and such..made me appreciate how good of a boyfriend he was to me and he def set the standard for how i should be treated in a relationship as well as the kind of relationship with a guy i want...

Which reminds me, i sort of deaded the dude i was dating(the doorman). He was getting a bit too attached a little too fast...made me feel sooo uncomfy...like there was no room for a friendship, only romance. And for ME, friendship IS romance. I'd take a trip to an arcade over a fancy expensive dinner. I felt in order to keep getting to know him i had to keep intensifying the intimacy and romance and that's not my style. Another thing was he was def becoming a re-bound. I realized i was ready to be 100% single and i would never settle down with him, that was not fair for me to keep him on a string just for attention.

Some of my friends agree and some disagree with my decision. Some say 'you did the right thing'...some argue 'your so dumb and you'll regret it'. Maybe i will, but at this point it was unfair for me to do that to him, and he was super cool, so he'll make a nice girl happy one day.

Speaking of nice girls i been far from that. Lol. I don't know what has gotten into me lately. Reminds me of my mentality my sophomore yr in college. Reckless? Yes..Heartless? Most definitely.

There's this dude, and we've liked each other for almost 2 yrs now. At first it was him being single and me attached. Now its the exact opposite. Throughout the yrs no matter what, we've always stayed in touch and stuff. I've always kept him on the back burner as a 'what if' dude from the past. Lately though we've been chillin a lot and its probably because his girl is on 'vacation' lol. Which is cool, but evil.

We def click really well, he compliments my crazy goofy self without him trying so hard he is a cornball. I def solidified my crush on the dude. I also felt the guilt of my horrible intentions. He was def the moth to my flame..falling into my trap.

As the night went on i just decided...fuck it, i cant do this to his girl or him. Its way too unfair, I'll be the one getting hurt and looking like a skeez, so i just kept it friendly.

I am deciding to let life take its course, not only with him but with everything. Cant help but notice how much sense of humor Life has:

1. Me and my girls are planning a trip to go visit my old suite mate at her new school next semester, she goes to UT, why is it funny? I found out my ex is going there next semester! Haha, guess who wont be on that trip?

2. I had a horrrrrible dream that my mami died last night. It was one of those perpetual dreams you cant escape from. I slept for about 11hrs with that dream. I woke up and i couldn't let go of mi mami!

3. I have an awesome dude that is super-cool, smart, dorky, cute, and he likes me. Then he is totally taken by some girl.

4. Some indian chick on the news' name is 'Aditidi'..please sound that out with a re-re face. Loll

5. On Friday night my ex-ex was at the same party i was at and he was being mad weird and brushing me off like he is somebody(lord knows he shouldn't act like that after our last rendez-vous). Then guess who shows up? My old holiday boo, and something tells me my ex-ex isnt very fond of him(even tho we just friends now and he has a great girl, but my ex don't gotta know that lol) i guess life can be funny in my benefit too =)

Till next time people.....

A Heart Deserted

A Heart Deserted

Like the Desert needs the Rain

My heart is flooded with Pain.

I am jaded, I am faded, I've been misplaced

Evaporated...Evanescent in the air

Somewhere my soul cries in despair

I reach for my flask

expediting for the fluidic elixir

...nothing...

Hoping for the toxic bliss,

I find only a dry abyss.

Like the Desert needs the Rain

my heart is dry from Pain.

My emotional disconnection

Breeds quarantine isolation,

Stems obligation for spiritual annihilation

The dry tears fall down my face

making a river of lost hopes and nothingness,

Fall to my knees and pray for Grace

Dry as a Desert...

I swallow the last bit of moisture i have left

Only one thing remains...

A hollow stone hole at the left of my chest.

Like the Desert needed the Rain

I needed your Love out of vain.

Like the Desert is dry without Rain

My heart is absent from the wrath of Pain.

Poet Notes: This poem derived from the culmination of heartbreak and heartache throughout the years. Not directed to anyone specific.

Yes we Can and Yes we DID!!!!

OBAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was a much needed Blog entry!!!

As few know i am not for the government or most institutions in the world. I don't trust the government. I never really supported the government(not voting in primaries, taxes, etc.). I felt betrayed by the government, and i know i wasn't alone. But i also knew i wouldn't want to live any other place in the world. So i played my part and voted for change!

I still felt like it wasn't enough. The trust i have in this government is so small, i was convinced someone would hack into the poll system and alter the votes.

At my Kick Boxing class, there were only like 5 of us that night. My Sensai asked if we all voted and this one big guy said very proudly "i voted for McCain". Our Sensai got so heated and said one thing "in class you are all one. if one of you triumphs, you all triumph. If one of you fails, you all fail. Because of this Gentleman you shall feel what this country would feel if that man is to become president" I ran over 50 laps..countless sit-ups..numerous push-ups 5 different ways...got body slammed everywhere...spent 30 minutes on punching bags..and 30 minutes with the bamboo sticks...which HURT!!! Needless to say i got fucked up...i wobbled home..

Took a nice hot shower came out and the election coverage began. I couldn't help my heavy eyes...and i drifted into a dream. I woke up and i saw Obama giving the acceptance speech!!!
I was going nuts! I swore i was still dreaming. It was definitely a feeling of complete triumph and joy, that FINALLY we as Americans made the right choice! I can FINALLY have some pride and dignity in saying i am from America. Still not my favorite thing to say aloud sometimes, but now i am more hopeful that progress will happen.

Obama's speech was MAGNIFICENT in my opinion. He basically laid it out that everything is going to be hard and it wont be overnight, but it will happen!


Had to make this a quick entry because i am at work, but i HAD to post about this moment of history we are all a part of! Now i can honestly say, my son or daughter can say "mommy i want to be president of the United States"...and it CAN happen!

Gotta Love It!!!!!!

Fate keeps Fucking with me!!!

Soul mate, two little words one big concept, a belief that someone, somewhere is holding the key to your heart and your dream house. All you have to do is find them, so, where is this person? And if you loved someone and it didn't work out, does that mean they weren't your soul mate?, were they just a runner-up contestant in this game show called Happily ever after? Soul mates...reality or torture device?

-SATC(s.4)

After reading that i got to thinking...about soul mates..
I am only 21 and "i have so much time to enjoy myself and there's no need to rush"
Granted, this is completely correct. But now lets take this big picture and zoom in a bit.
Zoom into my 21 year old love life and forget the years ahead.

Right now i' am stuck. Its like part of me is running to the next and part of me doesn't want to leave just yet. I don't know exactly what's holding me back...

is it the What Ifs? cant be it...because i already know what IS...

is it Fear? maybe... but i already got past the scary point of moving on..

is it Hope? i think I'm getting closer... but i have hope..good hope of whats to come...

is it Faith? a lot warmer... but i have Faith...Faith and belief that everything will fall into place...so what the hell is holding me back????

is it Fate? YES!

Fate...the predetermined..inevitable course of events..has fucked with my mind lately!
Fate is my punching bag when i' am training! Why is Fate playing such mean games with my mind..and my heart?!

how has Fate fucked with me? No matter how much i move forward with my life, 'fate' pulls me right back. I am in a constant battle with ignoring fate and listening to my mind. As you know i am not talking to someone new, someone i actually like. And as you know I am still somewhat dealing with my ex. The feelings i have for my ex have really withered away..slowly but surely. But Fate slaps me in the face as if to resurrect these feelings.
How?

1. Finding out my Ex is going to be working 5 blocks away from me.

2. When I'm with the 'new' guy, why does my Ex always happen to hit me up? hasn't failed YET!

3. Our lives always intertwine somehow, i mean i met the guy almost 2 years ago..dissed him and cut him off..then boom he came back with a vengeance. Throughout the year, between the time we met and the time we started talking, we would bump into each other on the most random occasions. I went on a spree and deleted most of my buddies on AIM, why did i decide to keep his? when i didn't even speak to him, in fact i was a bit repulsed by him lol. But Fate decided that he needed to play a bigger role in my life. So here we are today.

4. I genuinely became friends with his friends and family. It wasn't like i planned it or even wanted to, it just happened naturally. They are the major causes to why our lives intertwine the most at the moment.

5. We don't fight it. Its like when we're apart everything is all good and we're on our own shit. We talk the big game and its like "fuck that bitch...fuck that nigga..I'm doing my thing". But when we're together? all of that seems to dissolve before our eyes. it feels natural...it feels like..well.. Fate.

BUT FUCK FATE!!!!!! yea i said it..

This weekend i received a myspace message from the new guy and it shook me so hard, i felt like doing what i always do. Cut the guy off and run away. He was being crazy mushy and poetic and revealing his emotions and instead of cute butterflies in the tummy...i got sick to my stomach.

I am petrified of commitment. PETRIFIED. and i didn't notice how scared i was till that message. That's why i plant myself down with guys who wont ever commit and run from the guys who are ready to do so. So i decided, once and for all, to swallow my pride and fears and break the cycle. I let the dude know how i was feeling...dun dun dun!

I told him how that was the first time it hit me that things are getting serious between the two of us and it scared me away. Told him if he can please tone-down the mushiness just a tiny bit because it makes me run away. Also let him know i didn't want to run from him because i genuinely like him..a lot. Its just i cant help my fear and the compulsion to run away.

first time in 4 years Ive been honest about my feelings with a guy. It felt awesome.
and i realized...in the relationship i have with new guy...i have assumed the role of the 'hard to commit'. I have become the people i used to date. Crazy stuff huh?

well to wrap this session of my word-vomit...i have a temporary solution to the split my mind&heart is in between the new and the ex. I am going to back down from both of them for a bit and see how things play out. It'll be hard but gotta do it for me. So I'm going to wrap my life around my family, my money, my goals, my sisters and kick boxing. Lets see what Fate does about that!!!!!!

And if anything..ill take my co-workers advice... "girl you better open your eyes to shorty downstairs... drop the Zero and get with the Hero" =D

Panic Attack...

Its 6:45am...my alarm goes off...

6:55am...goes off

7:05am...one more

7:15am...twice

Its 7:25am...third time is a charm

I wake up.

Race to the bathroom…hop in the shower...hop out...7:37am

Put on my clothes…wait no I don’t like how these pants look today...7:42am

Start doing my hair...why cant I find any pinchos...ok got some...7:56am

"Bye mami, I love you...I left your phone charged on the counter...kick boxing tonight...Bye!"...8:01am

Oh shit its the Q53...race to the bus...8:03am

Get off…walk to the train…turn on my iPod...Ne-yo - 'She Got Her Own'...8:08am

"Hey Denise…are you on the train yet?"..."Oh ok, I’m on the J now…I guess I’ll try to catch you on the train tomorrow"..."Yea I know I got to update you...I’m going to read my book now...love you, bye"...8:14am

Damn, no seats today, whatever...continue reading my book…8:23am

8:32am...8:40am…

8:44am:

I hate these contacts...always messing up and getting blurry on me…I put my book away…

…Oh my God my stomach...please don’t let me throw up on this train...I go blank.

"Miss…miss...miss...you ok? Sit down...here take my seat"...I sit down.

Loosen up my scarf...I cant breath...just one more stop…your almost there...8:46am

My hands are shaking...pins and needles take over
my heart is racing...thoughts pass i have no control over...8:47am

I’m shivering...chills run up and down my spine
but I’m sweating...so hot, feeling of confine...8:48am

why is this happening...what the hell is happening?..
please don't throw up..please don't throw up..
one more stop..you can hold this..its all mental..
you got this...8:49am

just keep breathing..in...out...in...out..i am feeling better...in..out...8:50am

"This is Chambers Street station..Transfer to the 4,5,6,M, and Z lines"
...i made it..8:53am

**************************************************************
As i raced to work in the pouring rain, i felt everyone was looking at me.
i was so jittery..my umbrella broke and i tried my best to hold it down.
I run into my building a hot mess and went straight upstairs. I didn't even stop
to speak to Mike. The door was locked. I was so relieved to know that
nobody was in there. I ran to my desk for salvation i cried like a baby and
texted the only 3 people i felt i could go to.Denise, Luna, and Henry.
I was so freaked out i ran to the bathroom a few times scared and crying.
I am so glad i contacted the three of em..even if they weren't there, or
maybe they didnt know exactly what to say...knowing they simply
responded...and where there at 9am..no matter what they were doing.
i just needed familiar comfort from family..a best friend..and a significant
other(ex-significant anyway lol)...

So after eating some oatmeal and drinking water...i calmed down and i
retraced my steps..trying to find what triggered this Panic Attack.
first thing i did was look up what a panic attack was:

Symptoms:

• "Racing" heart
• Feeling weak, faint, or dizzy
• Tingling or numbness in the hands and fingers
• Sense of terror, of impending doom or death
• Feeling sweaty or having chills
• Chest pains
• Breathing difficulties
• Feeling a loss of control
• Panic attacks are generally brief, lasting less than ten minutes

ok, so at least i knew i pin pointed what happened. Next step:
i opened up my book to the last page i was reading, nothing that would
trigger a panic attack. I was reading about Wolves eating pizza lol

Next step: what song was i listening to last?
i go to my iPod and found about 2 minutes into the song
NeYo - Make It Work..

on the verse that said:
"You was looking for your prince,ooh
What you found (wat u found)
Is a pauper with potential
And no, i'm nowhere near perfect..NO..
But i'm around (but im around)
Girl, time and patience is essential
Baby realize... "

Just reading that gives me a tightness/itchiness in my throat...
blah...

this has never happened to me before..and i really don't want it
to everrrr happen again! i'm so freaked out i don't want to
leave my office at all, even for lunch...
iamma just eat oatmeal and stick it out.

So Sweet...It's Scary...

Everyone has fears. And then everyone has 'irrational' fears. Fears that cannot be understood to the outside world, fear that is only understood by that person alone.

Fear is linked to numerous emotional states:
Worry,panic,fright,horror paranoia, and anxiety...

Some of my fears? Big bodies of water, fire, lightning, bugs, foreign animals, being shot, so on and so forth...what's the point of this all?

I was talking with my cousin and I realized a new fear of mine. Very subtle and discreet, but very potent and emotion driven.

Me- so I stopped speaking to {my ex}..cut him off for good..I guess

Dee- finally! Geez..the boy was coo but damn bout time!

Me- I won't front..kinda miss him tho..he mad coo dude...as a friend ya know..as anything else? Wackness!

Dee- yea I know but that boy is a nobody right now..he doesn't have much going for him right now and the worst part he isn't even trying to do something. He doesn't deserve a woman like you. Your smart, hard working, goal oriented.., beautiful. don't even think of ever going back to him!

Me- im not..trust...im jes takin it a day at a time..I dun care about him as a BF..just as a friend..and he does have a lot going for him now, he is just stupid..

Dee- promise me something, promise your going to stop trying to take care of dudes and let one take care of you!..for once!

Me- watchu mean take care of dudes?

Dee- name one guy...just one...that took care of YOU!..ill wait..

Me-(naming guy after guy) oh how about R****? He took care of me for the most part..

Dee- no that dude just bought you stuff..im talking about doing the simple things for you and treating you with respect as well as taking you out.

Me- (stumped) I guess your right...I've never truly been taken care of. From my first relationship to this last one..same pattern...wow..

My fear? Dependency.
Although I moan and groan when I'm in relationships where the dude is slacking on me. I def play my part. As in, I assume the position as their support and help them achieve whatever it may be at the moment. And what does that leave me? That leaves me with being the sole support system for them as well as myself. I end up being overwhelmed and retreating from them and the situation.

So what happens when I finally meet someone willing to not only receive my support but lend theirs to me as well? I get scared!!! Lol

The thought of me letting myself receive support from someone else is terrifying. Why? Because of the possibility of it being taken away from under me.

I recently met this guy and we've chilled a few times. Although I don't know him very well, from what I do know he is sweet by nature. Very attentive and not afraid of what he can offer to a person.

In just 3 weeks this dude has done more than almost any guy has done for me in 3 years. Usually when a guy gives a lady flowers she melts before his eyes. Usually on the rare occasion of me receiving a rose, I want to run. Which is what I felt like doing on Friday.

He is so sweet...its scary...

Not to be a pessimist here...but there has to be something...lol

To be continued...

Picture This...

Picture this...

after a thousand words said
we could never understand
what was in each other heads..

complete content
sun rise to sun set
so far like stars..
we were everything i wished for

But you didnt make time
to speak your mind..
when i wasn't pleasing you

Took my love in vain
I was bleeding you..

lonley nights..
i held the pillow close
wishing i was squeezing you

its crazy..

we can only see the bad times
when were togther..
remember the good
when were apart..

if we throw our love away
does that bring us back to the start?

time heals all wounds
but i cant rewind my heart
is the flame still not there
if seeing you ignights a spark?

Picture this...

after a thousand words said
we could never understand
whats inside each others heads.

Happiness is a state of mind!

Last Wednesday was just an AWFUL day for me. So many things were going on at once.
I was getting barked at the job, reading the way people have slandered my name around 'campus', and of course the bullet that hurt the most, My father not even one day in NY was already degrading me as a human being. Nothing out of the ordinary, but enough to make me feel lower than dirt.

I was at work desperate for a way out, anyone to turn to, anyone...anything...

As soon as 5:30pm hit i rushed out the door realizing..eerr..i cant go home. Home for me is the pure equivalent to isolation. Isolation = thinking. My thinking at the moment = no bueno.

I called everyone i can think of to see if they could help me run and escape for that night, at the least. No one answered.

I called the person i vowed to never contact when i felt this low, my ex. He didn't hesitate to offer me the escape i was agonizing for. I went over and it was just what i needed, to be alone, but not lonely.

That morning on the train ride to work i was thinking,"why didn't i feel any better than i did yesterday?" That is when i remembered and realized, i cant seek happiness, happiness cannot be given to you, nobody can make you happy but YOU!

I took this thought and ran with it...
Happiness is not a happening. Happiness is a state of mind.

One can have everything in the world and be miserable. Or you can have relatively little and
bounce off the walls with joy.

That sidetracked me to another point. You have to truly appreciate what you have in your life.
When you appreciate, everything else becomes insignificant.

TRY THIS:
- Think of all your troubles. That significant other who left without saying a word, or left with saying harsh words. The person who cheated, stole, might as well have cut you open. Think about that interview you prepared so much for and they never called you back. Think about your family, your empty wallet and saturated debt. Think about how you lost your favorite necklace, or you just missed the train. Think about that loved one that passed away and your angry and sad their no longer there. How you found out nasty things people are saying about you. Think about all the awful things that make you hurt, cry, angry, scream! Dont you wish you would just disappear or just die...

-NOW: close your eyes... for just a minute..imagine that you are blind. No colors, no shapes, no sense of direction, no sight of your family, friends, or your significant other. No sunset or sunrise, no lightness, only darkness.

-NOW: imagine that suddenly there's a miracle. You open your eyes and your vision is restored! So ask yourself now, how do you feel about all those problems before? they don't matter as much do they? Good. your getting it =)

Appreciate the fact that you can make yourself HAPPY no matter what the circumstance. Why?
Because Happiness is not a happening. Happiness is a state of mind.

The Family 'Burden'...

For the past year one of the strongest women I know has had her life hindered by a terminal disease. My aunt, or Puchita as the family knows her best, has Lou Gehrig's Disease.

To school you people real quick:
Lou Gehrigs is progressive, usually fatal, neurodegenerative disease AKA the nerve cells in the central nervous system that control voluntary muscle movement stop working and deteriorate all together. It can begin with a simple finger being paralyzed and it slowly becomes 2 fingers...your hand..then your arm. The patient may ultimately lose the ability to initiate and control all voluntary movement except for the eyes.

Today I was over my grandmas house, what the family calls the 'Hospital'. Everyone was enjoying conversation in the kitchen, telling stories and laughing till our tummys were aching. Then as I settled my laughter I asked "where is Titi Pucha?". The room went silent.

They pointed to the living room as if they were stricken by muteness. I was a bit disturbed and curious why she wasn't in the kitchen with us? So I went to the living room.

There. Sitting in dimmed light in a blank stare was my Titi Pucha. I sat right next to her and asked for my blessing gave her a big kiss on the cheek. I then got up and turned on the light and joked about the darkness. She laughed and then quickly stopped herself. This began to annoy me.

I sat next to her again and asked her why she stopped herself from laughing. She simply answered "I forgot what a laugh sounded like and I scared myself." My heart melted...

I assured her that with me she could express herself as she wished. So we spoke about general things like the election and school. She shared how she hates being treated as if she is a burden in the family and as if she lost the ability to speak to herself.

We spoke for another 30 minutes or so before I excused myself to watch entourage. Before I left she thanked me for realizing that just because he mobile skills were hindered she is still a woman with opinion. I gave her a huge hug and was on my way.

On my way I made a pit stop in the kitchen for munchies. Everyone had left and it was just me and my other aunt in the room. I asked her how she was doing. She answered, "I'm just here dealing with my depression and anxiety attacks, most of all dealing with 'the problem'", as she points to the living room. I was filled with fury.

How could she call my Titi Pucha, her sister, 'the problem'??? As if it were her fault she was plagued with the disease. Then having the audacity to blame her for your depression, in addition stripping her of her identity/dignity by not even saying her name.

Instead of blowing up and adding to her 'depression', I simply smiled my best smile and told her "Everything is about perspective, be positive and you will feel the joy that has always been there, but was always ignored."

Ex-Communication

So a little background:

about a month ago me and my ex ended the relationship..or did we?

We definitely erased the title and for about 3 weeks we were good.

No speaking or seeing each other during that time.

I was loving life and i realized i didnt miss him as much as i thought i would.

I was so proud of how i dealt with the break up

and how strong ive become in relationships.

I continued my single life as if it had never seized and

as if me and..who?...ever existed.

Then of course the inevitable rendez-vous

on what would have been our 2-months of being official "anniversary."

Of course it started out friendly and just jokes being thrown, but eventually

our old habits and the comfort we felt with each other

began to break down the walls of pride and shatter the stubbornness.

I felt as if we were better than ever before.

For a split second i forgot he was my 'ex'.

I forgot we even had 'communication issues'.

It felt as natural as breathing being with him.

And for that split second i wished i wouldn't wake up.

I wished even more, that he wouldn't either.

That night was only lived that once..

We woke up.

Ex-Communication

You’re the bluest sky

You’re the biggest lie

You’re the greenest grass

You’re all about getting ass

You’re feeling so right

As we do wrong tonight

You make me so happy

You get me fucking angry

I’ve become your addiction

You’re my biggest contradiction

I was your lesson to learn

You were my bridge to burn

Memories replay in flashbacks

Feelings we try to fight back

Out of sight, out of mind

Come in sight, lose our minds

Cross the line of a lover and a friend

Seems like this relationship has no end

Time to stop the cycle before it gets worse

Got to find the cure to this inevitable curse

So we give one last hug...one last kiss

Such a shame it all comes down to this

So sad it ended so fast

I thought we would last

But I have a career to pursue

And you have maturing do to…

I think we’re better off this way…

And maybe, just maybe...one day…

After Effects:

As predicted me and him wont ever be again. Its funny,

After that one night i held him so high..as simultaneously he sunk so low

its ok. it happens and there's always other men out there.

I know because he was once my savior

from a broken heart i thought id never mend.

He helped me forget and he helped me believe.

So guess what? I have not one doubt,

that another can help me forget and help me believe.

I just have this small hope that he comes back and realizes everything

before its too late..

Lets get this thing started...

So what better way to get things started than a lil Bio of me...

Name: Claudia
Nickname: Nanita or Nana
Age: 21
Bday: July 20
Makes me: a Cancer/Leo Cusp

Born: NYC
Raised: Bushwick, Brooklyn
Reside: Ozone Park, Queens
Raices: Repulica Dominicana

Fav Color: Purple and Rainbow
Fav Animal: Puppies and White Tigers
Fav Sport: Love Basketball
Fav Movie: Peter Pan
Fav Cartoon Character: I am Tinkerbell
Fav Holiday: Role Play in Halloween
Fav Food: Chicken..Shrimp isnt to far behind
Fav Hobbies: Music..Writing..Reading

Love..
Been in Love: never
Been Heartbroken: who hasnt really
Been Cheated on: unfortunately
Believe in Love: i am trying..

Life..

Biggest Obstacle: Living without my parents and having no one to depend on

Biggest Accomplishment: Loving Myself for who i am

Main Goal: To live genuinely happy with my own family and my own career.

Daily Struggle: Communicating my true feelings without pride getting in the way

Blog..
What am i doing here: I have issues with communication, so i write.

I need an outlet to express my emotions.
What will i be blogging about: mostly post lyrics, poems and pics

im feeling at the moment
What i ask from readers: Dont judge me, just know i am human,

iam not perfect, and these will be my feelings raw.